Random Thoughts

Honestly, the first time I knew that I was pregnant, the first thing that came into my mind was SIBLING RIVALRY. I was scared that the kids would fight everyday and would carry it for the rest of their lives. So now, I'm reading a lot of books about it and I came across this post from N@W. It includes a link on a nice article about how to deal with sibling rivalry. Check this out.

* Avoid favoritism.

We all know that favoritism is not helpful, but you’d be surprised how many parents unknowingly engage in it. One child goes to a fun camp, the other stays home. One child gets to go on special errands with you, the other stays home.

Perhaps these decisions come out of financial need or limited time, but either way, it’s important that you as the parent examine the unspoken messages you communicate to your children that contribute to the rivalry.

* Institute taking turns.

If one child cries out, “It’s unfair! I hate him!” then taking turns might help siblings feel less competitive with one another. Take turns taking each child to do errands with you; take turns sending them to shorter camp sessions. Plan separate activities with each child, no matter how small.

When my second born arrived, our pediatrician suggested that every day I try to allocate some one-on-one time with our first born. Each day, my oldest (then age 2) and I would share a simple outings — finding the icecream truck, going to the park. At times they were only 20 minutes long, depending upon my newborn’s needs and my own level of exhaustion.

What I learned, though, was the amount of time, even the activity, didn’t matter. What was important was that my oldest daughter didn’t feel replaced by this new little creature that had graced our home. To this day, now at ages 5 and 3, our two girls have a great relationship.

* Tell them your expectations.

As much as individual, one-on-one parent time is important, so is together time. You can tell your children that you are going to out as a family and that it’s important to get along together. If they know you're expecting them to behave, they'll be more conscious of flare ups.

* Explain your reasons.

Throughout the division of “fairness,” it's important to communicate with your child the reasons behind your decisions. Knowing why decisions are being made a certain way helps your child understand your rationale and feel more reassured about things at home. If a child knows that she will get her needs met, she will not feel as many negative feelings to her sibling.

* Lead by example.

If mom and dad are always fighting over what radio station to listen to, their kids are likely to argue as well. Fighting fairly means engaging in discussion, getting a turn to share one’s view, agreeing to disagree, and working out possible compromises. Kids model their parents behavior, so if you want the little version of you to be more cooperative, make sure you're showing them how.


For the entire article, click here.